


In the throes of blood and blossoms

by Rinusagitora



Series: Shinigami!Karin AU [6]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Blood and Gore, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Gen, Homophobia, Nightmares, Past Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Platonic Relationships, Surreal, karin-chan: straight people suck my only friend is my senpai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-09 03:30:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20481566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rinusagitora/pseuds/Rinusagitora
Summary: The scars of her human life blister and boil, yet Momo soothes her.





	In the throes of blood and blossoms

**Author's Note:**

> thuyuui on tumblr wanted me to write some plat karinhina months ago now here we are

Daiichi loomed. He was taller than Karin remembered. His brains dripped onto her forehead from the cracks in his scalp, he wheezed and twitched.

“I thought you loved me,” she told him. 

“I thought you loved me,” he retorted.

“I guess we were both wrong.”

Karin grabbed him by the fissures in his head and ripped him in half. His bones cracked like thunder.

* * *

Karin shrieked. Izuru shook her out of her hysteria. Her hair and clothes were caked to her sweaty skin like scales.

“It’s okay, sweetheart, it was just a bad dream,” Momo said.

Just a bad dream. Daiichi was a bad dream too. He couldn’t hurt her anymore, she couldn’t hurt him. “What time is it?” Karin asked breathlessly. 

“Just after midnight,” Izuru answered.

Karin peeled herself off the couch, pulled on her sandals, and made for the door. She needed fresh air. Izuru wasn’t too far behind her by the looks of it. She hated to worry him, but unless he asked her, she kept her distance.

She came upon a stagnant pond. She waded into its waters and floated on its surface. Was it not for Izuru behind her, she would have allowed herself a meltdown. She couldn’t worry her roommates more than she already did. But her human life was still a fetid sore in her chest. It built up until Karin was more pain than person. But the water, cool and calm, soothed her tension plenty. It was like her death all over again. The sense of liberation was a relief.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Izuru asked. His head gently collided with her own as he floated with her.

“It was just a bad dream, just silly.”

“You’re pale as fresh linens. That doesn’t seem so silly.”

"I don't wanna talk about it. I want to be alone right now."

Izuru receded into kidou-fueled invisibility. She quietly thanked him for his consideration. 

Karin didn't want to kill herself, she just needed the weightlessness to carry her heavy soul.

Daiichi was quite the monster. Years after her rape, years after his murder, and he still visited nightly. Her backside burned. Her gums were raw.

She floated until daylight. She returned home, bathed, and dressed for school, and wordlessly left the house for school, where she was alone, even when she was with Ryuuji and Mae. That was the fate for people like her. Dirty people. People with blood on their hands.

Mae waited at the entrance with asauchi in hand.

“I brought strawberry juice for lunch. Do you and Kawashima want to have lunch with me?”

“Yeah…. I’ll ask Ryuuji what his plans are.”

Mae was quiet for a moment. Their poker faces were both well-practiced, but Mae was astute. “What’s on your mind?” she asked.

Karin shrugged. "Insomnia. I didn't have breakfast, either."

Mae gave her a bag of dried persimmons. "Eat. I'll see you at lunch at our usual spot."

"Oh… thank you. I'll see you at lunch."

Karin sat in her first class of the day. Not a heartbeat later, she was joined by a classmate, Sachihiro Masaba. 

"Hey," he said, "you're Karin, right?"

There were many times where Karin was subject to exchanges with curious and occasionally impolite classmates. Her bizarre powers were wild rumor after an incident a year ago when she threw an enormous wood pillar at Toushirou Hitsugaya during a school-wide remedial lesson. Of course, she was always a subject of curiosity, since she lived with polyamorous lieutenants. It was a socialite's gossip wet dream.

"Can I help you?" she asked.

"Well, I'd appreciate it. I'm sure you're harassed by a number of classmates, though," he said. "Part of our assignment has me completely lost. You're smart. Could you spare a minute to help me out?"

"Sure." At least he didn't care to grill her about her life. "What's got you stuck?"

Karin tutored Sachihiro for a minute before class began. When the first bell rang, he leaned in and said, "Thanks, Karin-chan. You wanna go party this weekend? There's gonna be a ton of booze."

She sneered. "You wanna see me sloshed?"

"Considerate it thanks for helping me out. I'll even bring my girlfriend so you don't go thinking I'll, I dunno, rape you or something…. That's my girlfriend Kaoru's biggest fear. Hence why I bring it up."

Karin's heart lunged into her throat. She was so touchy, the mere mention of sexual assault made her ill. Nonetheless, she laughed it off. "Can't be too careful. There are some creeps out there."

"So… I'll pick you up at seven, then?"

"Seven works for me. I'll see you then."

* * *

"A party? Like… fuck, what did you call it? A kegger or something?"

"Yeah. Sachihiro Masaba invited me. I'd like you guys to come with," Karin said to Ryuuji and Mae.

"I, for one, would love to go. My chemistry class is keeping me up late anyways. I need a night to wind down," Mae replied.

"I don't have a choice by the sounds of things," Ryuuji concurred.

"Alright. Just get to my place before seven tonight."

* * *

"A party?" Renji, Izuru, and Momo exclaimed simultaneously.

"Yeah. One of my classmates invited me. I'll be going with Ryuuji, Mae, and his girlfriend Kaoru," Karin explained as she pulled her hair into a pair of buns. 

"Well… if you won't be alone, I suppose I have no qualms with you going," Momo said. "Just… promise me you won't drink too much."

"Love, that's the point of these things," Renji retorted.

"Yeah. And I'm an adult. I'll pace myself."

"These tend to get out of hand too," Izuru said. "I don't want to smother you, Karin-chan, but no more than two drinks tonight, okay? You can get sloshed when you come home. God knows I never fucking sleep to begin with."

She sighed. "Alright. No more than two drinks if it puts you at ease."

Karin was alerted by Mae and Ryuuji's reiatsu in the house. They had let themselves in. Karin brought her friends over enough times they had a standing invitation.

"Well, aren't you all prettied up," Ryuuji complimented. "Hello, Lieutenants."

"Kawashima, Izumi," Momo greeted as Renji and Izuru dispersed. "Watch Karin-chan for me. No more than two drinks tonight."

"Aye aye," Ryuuji replied.

Not too long after, Karin felt Sachihiro outside. He wore a plain yukata, open to his belt, when she opened the door. Kaoru Hatori was a beautiful young woman with a square face, thin wrists, and dark hair braided around her head.

"Hey there," she said. "We ready to head out?"

"Let's go."

"So," Kaoru began, "how long have you and Sachihiro been friends?"

"Less than twenty-four hours. He just invited me after I helped him with his homework," Karin said. "I'm not one to turn down free booze so I couldn't refuse."

Kaoru laughed. "Yeah, me neither. Vice and virtue, I guess."

"I'm not sure what that means."

"We all have flaws. Ours just happens to be alcohol."

"Oh," Karin said, "yeah. That's true."

Karin wondered what Kaoru meant. Perhaps she was just paranoid, but it seemed like strange wording.

Not long after, they came upon the shore of a large lake. The sand shimmered and the air glittered. The sense of magic was potent.

"Is this really where it's supposed to be? Did the guards bust it or something?" Ryuuji said.

"No. It's just hidden," Sachihiro explained. "Anyone better at kidou than myself?"

"I am," Mae replied confidently. She pushed Sachihiro aside, raised her hands up to the starry sky, and chanted under her breath. They were enveloped by people moments later. The smell alcohol was as cacophonous as the sound of juvenile delinquency. Karin was right at home.

"Holy shit, Izumi-san, this is amazing," Sachihiro said with awe. "I didn't think you could do it so fast."

"You underestimate me," Mae said as she tucked her hair behind her ear.

"I'll get us drinks. What does everyone want?"

"Whiskey," Kaoru and Mae said.

"Just some beer," Karin answered.

"Sake here."

Karin and Ryuuji placed a blanket over the sand and their group sat down to chat before Sachihiro returned with drinks. 

"So, what's it like living with four Lieutenants?" Sachihiro enquired when he gave Karin her beer.

"Like living with any other married couple. There's just a bigger bed."

Sachihiro's eyes were wider than saucers. "They aren't just roommates?"

"You need to fix your radar, dude. Nontraditional marriage is more common than you think. Matsumoto-fukutaichou and Ise-taichou have been married for a couple years. Outoribashi-taichou and Hirako-taichou too. Kira-fukutaichou has his fair share of gay subordinates in long-term partnerships."

"Do… do they all fuck each other?" 

"Sachihiro, not appropriate!" Kaoru hissed.

"It's fine," Karin groaned. "Yes. Like most married couples, the Lieutenants I live with have a rich sex life." Of course he turned out to be nosy. "Masaba, the Seireitei is more queer than you realize. Just keep your questions to yourself. Either way, it's not your business."

"Nonetheless, it's a relief. I've been scared for Kaoru's… y'know."

Karin pictured, just for a split second, her hands around Sachihiro's dumbass windpipe. Kaoru looked terrified as well. "Dude, you can't just out your girlfriend like that. Just because the Seireitei has a lot of queers in it's ranks, doesn't mean there isn't queerphobia. Outing her to the wrong people could cost her her life."

"I'm sure. But I know I could tell you about it because you're pretty open-minded. Kaoru can protect herself pretty well, too."

"I don't care what you think about me. The fact of it is you can't just out her to whoever you want. It's her decision who she comes out to.."

Mae's hand clasped Karin's shoulder like a vice. "Let's go for a walk," she commanded.

"God, I hate straight people," Karin snapped. "I hate men. They treat girls like fucking… fucking property they can do anything they want with. How dare he out that poor girl." Daiichi treated Karin the same way, like a fucking thing he could do anything he pleased with. Like when he told his friends she liked girls, and suddenly she was asked everyday if they could watch her have sex with other girls. Daiichi took her whenever he pleased. It made her blood boil. It made her eyes water with humiliation.

"That was incredibly inappropriate." Mae and Karin sat on a hollow log together. Mae held her hand. "What's wrong? This has you… unusually emotional."

Karin wiped her eyes. "I'm just… I'm tired of men, Mae."

"Okay. Let's go home. I'll fetch Ryuuji so we can get out of here."

Mae left Karin alone. She saw a bottle of whiskey not too far away, more than half full. She plucked it out of the sand, downed it in a handful of swallows, and tried to ignore Daiichi's phantom behind her.

* * *

Mae’s nails dug into Karin’s arm. She was madder than Karin was wasted.

"Karin, I have no idea why you keep doing this to yourself."

"Drinking myself shit-faced?"

"Yes." Mae sighed. "I've never been good with social graces, Karin, but I can tell something is amiss, and you refuse to tell me why. It's quite vexing."

Karin's head lolled back. "I can't tell you about it."

"Why not? Have I not earned your trust?"

"Of course. I just… can't tell you, is all."

"Can you tell me why?"

"I'll get into a lot of trouble if I tell you."

Mae's red eyes darted between Karin and the road. "I see," she said. "Once you tell me, I will keep your secret. There's nothing you could have done worse than what I have done."

Karin groaned. She ought to give Mae something, at least. "It's just… everyone keeps sticking their whole fucking fist in my business. Reminds me of my brother, always lording over me. Sachihiro Masaba wasn't the man I thought, and it reminded me of my brother."

"I thought you were an only child," Mae replied, as if it at all related to what happened with Sachihiro.

"I lied. I'll let you in on this secret. You're a good friend, you deserve some honesty." Karin walked with her head on Mae's shoulder. "My brother is… powerful. We come from a powerful bloodline. My brother refused to let me to take advantage of my powers. He smothered me, like his so-called good intentions fixed everything. I wanted to nurture my power. I needed to. Someday, he wouldn't be there to protect me, so I wanted to learn to protect myself. I eventually killed myself to escape his tyranny."

"... are you a Kurosaki?"

"You promised to keep it a secret. You can't tell anyone."

"I will." Mae helped Karin back up to her feet. "Let's get you home, Karin."

* * *

Karin was handed off to Momo. They stumbled onto the couch where Karin seized Momo's lap.

"Drank too much," she answered before Momo even asked. "Bad night. Men are Awful with a capital a."

"Unfortunately, the good ones are few and far between."

"You must've won the lottery then if you married three of them," Karin said.

"Yes and no." Momo combed Karin's hair out of her face. "Regardless, you need to be vigilant, Karin-chan. You smell like you drank a barrel of scotch."

"It was a bottle of whiskey and a beer."

"My point exactly. You're going to hurt yourself if you keep drinking like this."

"That Masaba is a dillweed."

"The boy you went to that party with?"

"Yeah. Outed someone without their permission…. A transwoman, nonetheless. I don't think anyone overheard but I'm still super worried for Kaoru-chan. She's super sweet."

"That is a very inconsiderate thing to do. I will have Izuru speak with this Sachihiro Masaba tomorrow."

Karin snorted. "Like that's gonna do anything. Men are thoughtless. He'll just forget or something, and even if he doesn't, there are two more douchebags to take his place."

"... I'll get your blanket, dear. Just get some rest."

Karin was laid on a throw pillow, and moments later, she was coiled in a blanket like an infant.

* * *

Daiichi loomed, with his head in two pieces from the neck up. Worms and maggots wriggled in his gore. Even though his eyes dangled from his optic nerves, she felt his gaze on her.

"Are you gonna kill him too?" he gurgled with the two halves of his mouth.

"No," she said, "he's not a fucking basketcase, unlike you."

Daiichi's head slapped together wetly. It still oozed blood between the parts, his mouth mouthed unevenly as he spoke. "You sure? You wanted to kill him."

Sachihiro's face suddenly replaced Daiichi's as he swung a hammer down on her head.

* * *

Karin awoke in a cold sweat. Concentrated evil stood next to the door. Karin had no visual reference for Sousuke Aizen, but she knew it was him with a knife at Momo's throat.

"She's all I have left," Karin whimpered, "don't do this…."

The living room flooded with blood. Momo's body was lost in the tide. Karin wailed as she waded through its waist-high depths in search for her precious mentor.

* * *

Shuuhei, Izuru, and Momo we're gathered around Karin once she woke. Moonlight filtered through the curtains. Renji came from the kitchen with a mug of warm, chamomile tea. 

"You were screaming in your sleep," Izuru informed her. "Care to talk about it?"

Karin sat up, took her tea in both hands, and shook her head. "No. It was just a silly nightmare, is all."

"Karin… you can't bottle this up," Momo told her. "Up. We're going for a walk."

Obediently, Karin set aside her tea, and followed Momo outside.

"You haven't told me everything, honey," she said. "I love you, Karin-chan, you know I do, but you have to be honest with me so I can help you. What really happened between you and Kurosaki?"

"I've told you everything that happened with me and Kurosaki," Karin told Momo. Momo was still correct, however. Karin held back the majority of her nightmarish life in the World of the Living.

"So then what the hell is going on?"

"There was this… this boy," Karin said. "He was nice to begin with. I fell in love and he took advantage of that."

"He raped you, didn't he?"

"A multitude of times," Karin answered coolly, despite how her chest ached. "I don't think anyone ever realized what he was doing until it was too late."

"Too late?"

Karin's eyes watered. The memory of her hands covered in his brains churned her stomach. "I killed him. He was choking me, telling me I was going to die. I kept telling him to stop, but he didn't, and I couldn't… I couldn't take it anymore, Momo. I grabbed him by the hair and bashed his head into the ground until grey matter was oozing out his head. I just… I didn't know what to do anymore."

Momo didn't miss a beat. "Good riddance," she said. "Honey, I'm sorry you went through that. Sousuke… Sousuke did the same thing. But what that boy did to you was wrong. You were only protecting yourself."

"I know. I have no qualms having killed him. But I see him everywhere. In all men, I see us in every couple like Masaba and Kaoru-chan. Men who wantonly endanger their significant other, never consider their feelings." Tears streaked down Karin's face. She was embarrassed and miserable by her emotionality. 

Momo cupped Karin's face in her hands. "I am your ally, Karin-chan. It's more complicated than that, of course, but I am here to shoulder your burdens with you. I won't let you suffer alone."

Karin squeezed her eyes shut. "Thank you," she croaked, tearfully, and wrapped Momo in a tight hug. "I love you so much Momo. I'm always alone. I'm always hurting. I don't know how to make it stop, but it hurts less when you're around."

"I love you too, Karin."

* * *

Karin just… really wanted a hug.

She was she wasn't normally the type who needed constant attention. She was fairly independent. Since she passed away, she hadn't missed a single assignment deadline. She managed to balance her obligations with her social life. While feisty, she never really started confrontations.

Sometimes, she just… needed a hug. Like a back brace. 

Momo caught her those times. Karin ended up bent uncomfortably as she wept in Momo's shoulder. Things seemed a little better when Momo played with her hair.

"Thanks," Karin said. "I'm sorry. I'll get better."

"Karin-chan, you're fine," Momo assured her, "we all have our moments of weakness. I'm here to help whenever you need it."

She smiled. "Thank you."

"Are you going to be okay going to school today?"

"Yes."

"I'm glad. It'll take your mind off this."

"I'll see you tonight, Momo."

"I love you, Karin-chan."

"I love you too."


End file.
